`♡ As Angels Understand.

New Year.

to do quiet time everyday w/o fail. 

to be thankful no matter what the circumstances are. 

to be obedient 

live life to the fullest. with no hesistation. 

work hard; play hard. 

i think im too stressed.

Every day, i tell myself, “nat you need to remember to study later! cannot play already eh!” ohmygosh. really. hahaha.  

Im being serious when i say, i really wanna join ANTM one day. O.O hehehe. (:

For the sensitive one.

Hi you. i know you probably wouldnt read this. but i think i really needa let off some steam. 

You know something? Being your friend is good, but really tough. You’re a good friend, no doubt about that. but everyone knows, you’re sensitive. and i see an insecurity you have with your friends. it seems like you think they dont treat you well enough? or that you’re just really afraid of losing them. And one of the ways in which you express it is kinda putting me off. 

For example, i could just reply you asking you why you are so random w your messages to me, and your reply was as if i didnt want to talk to you. Please, dont think so much into it? because i dont mean it that way. And sometimes when i say things to you, you dont seem to get the drift. like you think about it in such negativity. and its really hard to keep this friendship because one moment, you’re angry with me and then the next, you’re really like okay. 

i dk how to trust you? Because it seems like you’ve misplaced my trust in you. and idk how to believe you sometimes because you’ve lied to me. Although i want to, its become very hard to do so. You ditch me saying you;re sick but really, you’ve made plans with other people. :l 

Every time we have an argument, you bring up my problems. you say that its me, its my temper, or whatever bad characteristics i have. and that you say i keep blaming it or throwing my temper at you. but really, have you thought that maybe for once, its your own problem?  i admit that sometimes its my problem, but why is it that every time, i take the blame? i say sorry and im the one that has to take up all responsibility? 

i dont think its exactly the first time that we’ve had a heated argument and you talk bout me and my temper. that its not right of me to vent my anger on you. But, if you think that we’re good friends, you really should know me by now. Its definitely wrong of me to throw my temper at someone who doesnt deserve it, but all my friends, know that if i was in a bad mood, just dont talk to me. You should know that. 

Dont say you dk that im angry/ upset. its written over my face all the time. that day, when i told you to not talk to me although i knew you were trying to comfort me, it wasnt because i didnt appreciate it. but if i were to keep replying you, my replies would’ve been so bad and really monotoned. AND i knew that if i continued talking to you, you would’ve been angry w me too because you’ll be so fed up with me and my monotoned replies. 

Sometimes when we talk, im not “high” because we’re not exactly having a really “high” conversation. I dont treat you indifferently. I really dont. and i dont know why you keep thinking that i do. its just the conversations i have with other people are different. for everyone. 

i dont know how to tell you all these because you’ll probably get so angry with me again and seriously, you havent experience the worst. i really really really want to tell you everything. everything i’ve been keeping in my heart. but hah, what can i do? :l Was being my friend ever a pain to you? if it was, then why do you keep holding on? 

i admit i do get angry with you at times with your actions. and that i cant completely feel like i want to be close to you because i’ve been hurt by you too many times. but really, i think you needa look at yourself in the mirror sometimes and reflect on your actions. i do that too you know? and i say sorry not only because i have to but because sometimes i know im wrong. but you just push everything on me and rake up the past. 

im tired. really damn tired. so please, if you’re screwing with me, just leave me alone. im begging. 

From an ordinary girl who just wants to have trustworthy friends. 

Day by day.

So, O’s are coming to an end. Tomorrow actually. haha. i expected it to be more exciting! - you know, the kind of feeling like, “wow, im finally free”. but hahhh. nah. that isnt exactly what im feeling right now. 

You know they always say “If you are bothered by what they (bullies) do to you, it satisfies them. So you shouldnt be bothered. then they wouldnt be able to do anything to you”. Trust me, i’ve tried. It sure doesnt work that often. the part that doesnt work is trying to ignore it. 

Yeah, i’ve been through crap. Things that hinder my everyday life because these thoughts linger about in my useless brain. haha. for what? i dont know either. i think its become a routine so much so, i cant get rid of it. now, that sucks. 

im trying. trying really hard to not be bothered, to get rid of these people in my life. i think i should quit twitter. it makes me so upset all the time. :l but then again, i feel that if i do so, then it gives them more of a reason to bitch about me. And i sincerely dont want that to happen. :l 

It really sucks how i bother so much about what people think of me. why do i need to do so? Why? i want an answer. i really do. 

Mark 11:24

“So, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe, that you have received it, & it will be yours.”

If it’s like that, then does God still have a plan for us? Because he alrd mould the way for us right? Then if he did and we still asked for something, then which one do we get?

#confused.